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Healthy Boundaries in the Dance Studio

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Research shows that sixty to eighty percent of workplace problems are due to boundaries issues. If you look at all the areas where belly dancers congregate, you will see all sorts of questions and issues posted that demonstrate that this is true in a dance business as well. Whether you are embarking on a new career as a belly dance instructor, or if you have been at this a long time, it pays to establish and enforce healthy boundaries so that your studio runs smoothly and avoids unnecessary drama. It will keep you from burning out, help you stay profitable, and make it a happier experience for everyone.

Signs That Your Dance Studio Has Boundaries Issues

Your studio may have boundary problems if you notice any of the following:

  • someone feels her talent is stifled and opportunities for advancement are limited
  • circumstances and conversations get twisted to one person’s benefit
  • mistakes are laughed at or ridiculed rather than seen as evidence that something wrong needs to be corrected
  • someone feels reminded constantly of publicly of a disappointing experience or unmet expectation
  • someone takes credit for things she didn’t do or withholds recognition for new ideas and extra effort
  • the focus is solely on meeting one person’s goals and at the expense of others
  • there is little respect for personal space and time (such as calls after hours, being late for class, etc)
  • there are factions within the studio- an “in” group and an “out” group
  • payments are not being made on time
  • rules aren’t applied equally to everyone
  • one person is asked to do things that she’s already made clear she can’t/won’t

The teacher/student relationship is an important component of the student’s success. If boundaries are not healthy, it could impact the student’s emotional experience, skill development, and success. It could also negatively impact the instructor’s business. It is beneficial for both sides that healthy boundaries be in place and enforced.

Teachers owe their students a duty of caring. Caring shows up as showing interest giving time, talking, taking time to learn about the student’s circumstances, showing sensitivity and respect, nurturing, and acting in the best interest of the student.

The studio owner also has a duty of control. This means control over the classroom, the learning environment, expenses, the curriculum, the emotional environment, personal goals, professional goals, and students’ goals. A classroom that is out of control is not a productive or enjoyable learning environment. We need both in order to keep the business and joy alive.

This can get confusing when the duty of care of one student conflicts with that of another, that of the instructor, or the overall success of the studio. When the duty of care and control conflict, that can also cause boundaries issues.

Ultimately it is up to each person to decide their boundaries for themselves. Here are some suggestions that may help.

Financial Boundaries

The viability of the studio requires an uninterrupted flow of funds. The best way to ensure this is to require all students to pay their fees on time. There is nothing so disruptive as finding out that one person is being held to a different standard than others. When this occurs, it makes it hard for the instructor to ask for one to pay when another isn’t.

Emotional Boundaries

Dance is an emotional experience. We can put our whole hearts into our performances. Yet, when we allow the events of the day to creep into the classroom, class can become about calming someone, resolving their issues, or boosting self-esteem. It can be a way of derailing class altogether for the sake of attention. What works best is when there is a moderate, appropriate showing of care that tends to put the needs of the student and school first. The teacher must lead by example by keeping her emotions in check, not bringing in outside energy, and showing support without being drawn into drama.

Communication Boundaries

The more you self-disclose, the more you encourage those around you to self-disclose. This creates intimacy. This causes problems. When you are friends with your students, sooner or later there will be a conflict between what your friend wants or expects from you and what your business demands. You don’t want to damage or lose your business because your friend got upset and is now your enemy.

Power Boundaries

Everyone has the right to make their own decisions and participate in their own life. However, the classroom is the domain of the teacher. If the teacher cedes control to the students, there will be no discipline or advancement. So, it’s important that there is only one formal teacher and no informal ones – unless it is very clear that someone is an assistant. When there is an assistant, the power boundaries must be strictly explained and adhered to to avoid misunderstandings and grievances.

Everything works better when the rules are established beforehand, understood, agreed to, are fair, and are enforced. When everyone knows what is expected, you have fewer classroom problems. You can focus on dancing rather than managing conflict.

Everyone has to decide for themselves how to make this work for them. We’re all different people with different needs, values, and desires. Here is how I make it work for me: My clients are not my friends. Period. We are friendly. While we may have an after-event outing that includes the class, we do not hang out socially. They do not come to my house. I do not go to their house. We do not share the private details of our lives.

I provide instruction, motivation, and honest feedback. I am available for coaching after hours for a fee. I am available for a chat at my convenience. When there is a show, I choose soloists based upon ability and the needs of the show (for instance, if I need someone who dances Turkish style, that will limit who I can consider). Friendship, or who I “like,” never enters into it. My students don’t mumble about dance line-ups being unfair. They know that hard work is rewarded and work towards their goals.

Everybody pays. They know what they fee is. When they decide to pay, all I owe them is instruction. They are not also paying me with loyalty. They are free to go to whatever teacher, whatever workshop, and study whatever they want with no obligation to get my permission.

My studio rarely got bogged down with interpersonal conflict, money issues, or ego problems. Not everyone liked each others, but they all respected each other. They were professionals. It’s the instructor’s job to create professionals. Healthy boundaries helped to create that.

Go With Your Flow

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If you look at movies or read biographies based on the lives of famous entertainers, one thing that stands out is that they all are compelled to perform and are true to who they are. Ray Charles was a good performer when he copied other people’s style. People definitely appreciated his talent, but he didn’t become a worldwide sensation until he found his own voice. Johnny Cash didn’t have a shot until he could sing a song in his own way that made him feel something. I could give endless examples of this: Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe, Gypsy Rose Lee, Michael Jackson, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Jimmy Hendrix, Janice Joplin, Mozart, Beethoven, Salvatore Dali, Cezanne, Michelangelo, Hemingway, Shakespeare, Martha Graham, Gene Kelly, Charlie Chaplin, Mae West, W.C Fields, Rodney Dangerfield, Jimmy Cagney, Cate Blanchett…. When you look at that list, do you see ANYONE who reminds you of someone else? Or do they stand alone as someone unique? When you hear or see their work, you KNOW it’s theirs and no one else’s.

The only thing I really recommend, if you’re starting out in stand-up is to not try to copy anybody else. You can be influenced by people… but I never tried to be someone else. I always tried to be myself. And the reason people are successful is they’re unique.
Ellen DeGeneres

There are many good performers out there who have a following and work regularly. There is nothing wrong with being good. In fact, that’s where most of us will end up if we work hard enough. However, if you are striving for greatness, you have to learn how to go with your flow. Why do you dance? How do you most like to do it? What moves you? What gets you in the zone where everything is working like magic? What excites you? What are you trying to express? If you can put your finger on that, you have an idea of how to go with your flow.

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland

When you are in the zone, things feel easy. They feel emotionally satisfying. They feel authentic. Some people tend to understand this intuitively and dance improvisationally and in the moment, but this is not enough. You have to have the skills to make it into something that the audience will appreciate too if your goal is to share it with an audience. While some people are famous for being personalities (like Edie Beale of Grey Gardens), most dancers want to be appreciated for more than their personality.
The moral of the story is, practice your skills. Learn how to dance effectively. When you are able to do that, invest in discovering what makes you tick. When you can share THAT with an audience, you are on your way to greatness.

Make Your Website a Reflection of Your House

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When you have an open house, you want to create a good impression. Make people feel welcome so that they will come in. If you want them to stay a while, you have to make it easy to find things and pleasant to be there.

Your website is just the same. It is your unique space that reflects who you are. It sends an impression of what you do, how you do it, and what it is like to work with you. It’s your one shot to make a connection so make your website a reflection of your house.

When a prospective customer pulls up to an open house, the first thing they take in is the overall appeal of the outside. What’s the neighborhood like, the yard, the overall appearance of the outside of the house. This is what we call “curb appeal.” If it looks appealing from the outside, it increases your chance that they will come in.

This is your main page of your website. You want it to be neat, trim, color coordinated, and have a single overall theme. Pictures are like your landscaping. They pretty the place up. Too much, too flashy, or too unkempt a look is NOT appealing. Keep it simple. Your navigation buttons are like your walkways. They lead your prospects to where they want to go. If it isn’t clear what your site contains or how to get there, your prospects may just drive on by without stopping.

Once the prospect is inside, you want to give them a feel for who you are and what you offer. After all, they are considering buying YOU! So, show them pictures that put you in your best light. Don’t use photos with poor lighting, ill-fitting costume, weird facial expressions, or things that appeal to a small sector of the population. I am not saying you can’t use your favorite snake shot. If you decide to do that, just confine it to one small shot and use more generic ones for the rest of the site.

Content is still king. People want their questions answered quickly. If they don’t find what they are looking for quickly on your website, they will move on. Content also gives people a reason to stay and browse. If they see an interesting article headline, they may read it. And the next one. And the next one. The longer they stay, the better your chances of forming a relationship. Give them what they are looking for.

What you don’t want ANYWHERE are messy graphics that are hard to read, tons of fonts and colors in your text (think “tacky Christmas lights”), irrelevant content, rants, or too much on one page (think “sensory overload”). Keep it clean and simple. You want them to be able to have a sense of who you are and what you do and then plop that into their vision of what they want. If you create too rigid/clear a picture of yourself, they may not be able to imagine you at their event. Leave room for the imagination.

Using Branding to Knock Out the Low Priced Competition

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There has been a lot of discussion lately on a listserv about competing based on price. The consensus is that you can’t compete with dancers who undercut. You know what? That’s right. You can’t. So why bother trying? The better strategy is to let your brand speak for you so that you can compete on value and service.

I can see you scratching your head and saying, “What the heck are you talking about, Taaj?” Let me explain. “Branding” is the sum total of what people think about you when they see your face and hear your name so you have to cultivate this carefully. If there is no image when your name is heard, that’s the first place to start. Let this be intentional, not haphazard.

Decide what is most important- the thing that absolutely sets you aside from your competition and cultivate that image. If there are other important things, let those things be secondary. For example, “Taaj, the belly dance trainer” is a teacher’s teacher. Why? Because the title says so. Because my website says so. I am the person you go to to be a better dancer and business woman. Why take my word for it? Because I have a gallery of 12 award winning students from 2002 to the present on my website. Because my website has scores of testimonials from raving fans saying how happy they are with my work.

“Taaj’s Tribe” is all about professionalism. We are in the highest profile venues. We are on time. I give the client exactly what they want and continue to check with them to make sure that they are happy. We deliver a quality product time after time and strive to make each performance special. We can do a variety of things in a variety of venues. The dancers have the highest level of training. We have the look that they are looking for so that they never feel compelled to look elsewhere. This gets us jobs. This keeps us jobs.

There truly is no competition for Taaj’s Tribe or Taaj, the belly dance trainer. If you want something else, you are going to go to someone else. If you want what I have to offer, you come here. THAT’S what your brand should say about you. It needs to be a strong, definitive statement.

It needs to set you apart in some way from your competition. It needs to compel your prospective client to say, “Yes, that’s what I want.”

Think about it. When “it positively has to be there overnight”, who do you call? The post office? No, it’s FedEx. What food is “finger lickin’ good?” What product would you spend extra for “because I’m worth it.” Which deodorant asks you to “raise your hand if you’re sure?” If you could identify slogans from Kentucky Fried Chicken, L’Oreal, and Sure, you are proof that the branding for these companies work.

So what does branding have to do with price? When you have a brand that is identifiable, sets you apart from the rest, tells your client what you have to offer, and there is a market for this product, you don’t have to work for low-ball prices. You don’t have to work as hard to get each client. You can charge MORE because you have a higher perceived value. The result is you make more money with each gig. You also don’t have to work as hard to get each client because a happy, high paying client is more likely to refer other high-paying clients to you.

Will there still be undercutting dancers out there trying to get your jobs? Of course, but they aren’t realistically in the same market as you. They aren’t competing for the same jobs. There will always be clients looking for cheap dancers, and dancers who are willing to dance cheaply. Like attracts like and those sorts tend to find each other. Don’t target that clientele because that’s not your market.

Those who want a low price want a low price. It doesn’t pay to lower your price or match theirs. Competing by price hurts everyone because there is always someone who will go even lower. This not only drives down price, but drives down the perceived value of what you do for the entire community.

Bottom line- consciously create a brand and compete on value and service, not price. Be patient. Building a brand takes time. There will be a lot of trial and error. It is built on your body of work and the effort you put into sculpting it into something that says, “This is who I am. This is what I can do for you. Here’s why you need look no further.” If you do this consciously, you will have a product for which there is no comparison. The cheap dancers of the world will NOT be able to compete with you in value or service. And that’s how you knock out the competition.

How to Be the Sponsor From Hell

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I got several positive comments about my last article, “How to Lose Friends and Alienate Prospects” which was about all the wrong things to do when you are cold prospecting for workshop jobs. I was asked, “Hey, what about all the things that sponsors do wrong! Can you write an article about that?” So, here it is: How to Be the Belly Dance Sponsor from Hell.

Don’t Check With Other Belly Dance Sponsors Before Booking Your Event

What difference does it make if your event is within a week of someone else’s? After all, it’s a free country. People can decide where they want to spend their money. If that means they can’t support both events, that’s not your fault. It’s also not your fault if the other sponsor wants to cop an attitude with you about it either. She’s never liked you and wasn’t going to support your event anyway so why do anything nice for her?

Find Out Who Other Belly Dance Sponsors Want to Bring In Then Beat Them to the Punch

If another teacher wants to bring in “Sheherezade” in October, invite her out in June. You can take advantage of the publicity the other sponsor has already generated and use it to your advantage. Most teachers aren’t geographically savvy enough to know that your location is close to the other workshop and could hurt the other sponsor’s turn out, so there is little fear that the teacher will decline your offer. You can also justify this by not having Sheherezade teach the same topic. I mean, students go to workshops to learn specific topics, not to see a particular teacher. What difference does it make whose teaching?

Use Only Flyers for Advertising

If the instructor is good, she will be able to pull people in. In fact, you are counting on that and that’s why you didn’t waste your time on online or print advertising. Flyers are good enough. It doesn’t matter that you have a small mailing list. You will count on people to tell other people and the teacher to contact her followers. You chose a big name because you expect that people will just drop everything and change their plans to be at your event. Isn’t that part of the benefit of having a big name? If the teacher is working for a percentage, this is even better because you have nothing to lose.

Book Your Facility Just Before the Event So That You Don’t Lose Your Deposit if You Have To Cancel

Be conservative. Don’t spend any money that you don’t have to. You know that workshops are a poor investment, so wait until the last minute to pay for anything so that your losses are less if you have to cancel. Trust your luck that an affordable, adequate facility will be available just in case the workshop does go on. If you advertise your location without actually booking it, trust that your potential attendees and the teacher will contact you, not the facility, for information about the event. A friend/instructor told me that she contacted a theater where she was supposed to perform only to find out that the sponsor had never confirmed that date. Don’t worry about that happening to you. What are the odds of anyone ever checking that kind of stuff?

Let the Teacher Take Care of Herself

Teachers travel all the time. They know how to get around strange cities and can fend for themselves. In fact, they probably have friends everywhere. For example, one teacher came to my city and wasn’t picked at the airport upon her arrival. She knew I lived close by so she called me to come get her. See? Everything worked out fine.

Be Short Tempered With Everybody and Don’t Return Phone Calls

Everybody knows that the belly dance sponsor is expected to be the business manager, stage manager, show producer, graphic designer, and hostess. They don’t expect the sponsor to be gracious and accessible under all that pressure. If you leave people alone long enough, they will find the answers on their own and leave you to take care of your own business.

Ask the Teacher for Things That Were Not Discussed in Advance

A good teacher is flexible, knowledgeable and can pull things out of a hat. It should be no problem that you forgot to ask for X, or that it just occurred to you that Y would be a fabulous addition to the workshop. That’s what professionals do.

Make Money Your Bottom Line

The teacher understands that you are working with a budget, so put her up at your house. She has dealt with animals, small babies, a crowded household, small spaces, and dirty laundry before. Traveling as she does, she must get it all the time. I am sure that it won’t interfere with her ability to rest, teach, or perform. She’s a pro, after all.

If You Are Working on a Percentage, Spend Lavishly on Things That Aren’t Necessary

Image is everything. You want your workshop and show to look fantastic. Provide snacks for the participants. Bring in staging, lights, professional sound equipment, and a dj to run it all. Your guests deserve the best and you will have a reputation for putting on incredible shows. Never mind that your attendance doesn’t justify the added expense. Negotiating the instructor’s fee for a percentage after expenses means that you got a teacher for a fraction of her regular rate, so you can afford the extras. It’s not your fault that she agreed to a bum deal.

Once the Workshop is Completed, Renegotiate the Fee in Your Favor

This is especially a good idea if the teacher failed to bring in the number of students that you anticipated. It’s all her fault, so why shouldn’t she take a financial hit too? This might not build good business relations between the two of you, but you don’t plan to bring her back anyway. She bombed!

As the belly dance sponsor of over thirty events, I know what it’s like to be the only one responsible for so many people and so many decisions. As a workshop instructor, I also know what it’s like to work with sponsors. I am lucky enough to say that I have never worked with a sponsor from hell, but many of my friends have. Sometimes it is due to ignorance, but often it is due to the sponsor being inconsiderate, not planning well, or simply not putting themselves in the shoes of the teacher. The easiest way to avoid being The Sponsor From Hell is to ask yourself, “How would I feel if I were on the receiving end of this” before making a decision. If you are still in doubt, discuss the issue with the person who would be affected most by the decision. The dance world is a small place. When you are difficult to work with, word gets around. For a long lasting, successful, sponsor career, respect your instructor and others in your dance community.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate Prospects

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I was recently contacted by a stranger who was interested in having me sponsor her. The experience was the perfect example of what not to do when you are cold prospecting for employment. I share this experience to alert others on how to lose friends and alienate prospects. Here’s what you do.

Be Unprepared

Assume that a prospective employer who doesn’t know you will to ask for the standard stuff: work experience, references, demos, photos, and any other supporting information that can verify that you are who you say you are and can do the things you say you can. Annoy your prospect by being unprepared to provide these things in a nicely packaged, easy to navigate way.

Be Vague

It’s okay to be vague in an introduction. You don’t want to tell your life story to someone who isn’t interested, but once the prospect says, “Tell me more,” most want specific information. Ignore that! Especially if there are repeated requests.

Just say you can teach “everything.” Don’t have a list of classes offered with titles, descriptions, materials required, pre-requisites required, target audience, and the length of each class. Make the prospect guess what you are good at and how long it will take to teach the subject of your choice.

Tell her that you have taught “everywhere.” Don’t give names of people who have sponsored you. Don’t supply dates and locations. Since you assume everyone has heard of you, she will take your word for it.

Procrastinate

Make your prospect wait for follow-up. This will really make you look like you want the job and can go a great job!

Be Irrelevant

If you are trying to get a job teaching Middle Eastern dance, talk about your experience as an actor, your academic credentials, your modern dance experience or how much you love belly dance. The prospect is sure to see why that makes you qualified to teach belly dance. While you are at it, drop names of people you know in common who have nothing to do with belly dance. That is sure to help you make a connection.

Provided Out-dated Information

The best way to document your twenty-five year old career is to give twenty-five year old references. What you did twenty-five years ago demonstrates no growth or where your current strengths lie, but don’t worry. Remember, she will take your word for it.

Give References That Can’t Be Checked

While you are providing old references, make sure that at least one of them is for someone illustrious who is no longer with us. The rest should be for big name people for whom you have no contact information. If your luck holds out, she won’t have contact information for them either and the names you drop will be so impressive that she won’t even check to see if they know you.

Provide Misleading Information

If you performed in a workshop show, go ahead and list the teacher as a reference. After all, it’s true that the teacher was there when you danced at the show. Don’t worry that that the teacher may not have actually seen you perform or that performance has nothing to do with your ability to teach. With luck, that the connection will never be made.

If You Are Offered Less Than You Wanted, Be Insulted

Why accept a slot in a show if the prospect feels you are not worthy of a teaching slot? While it could mean that the sponsor is trying to get to know you and leave the door open for future opportunity, forget that. Small time offers are beneath you. It’s all or nothing!

When You Are Not Offered the Job, Be Rude to the Sponsor

If you are not offered a job, your talent is obviously being overlooked. Character obviously means nothing to this lady. It’s natural that your feelings are hurt, so you’re perfectly justified in blasting the sponsor for leading you on. Lecture her on how to behave professionally. Berate her for being suspicious because she actually checked your references. Read sinister things into her behavior, then burn your bridges. She’s not ever going to hire you anyway. The chances are slim that she will ever tell anyone about what happened or that anyone will ever ask her if they know you, so what the heck?

If you don’t want to lose friends and alienate prospects, the solution is easy. Just do the opposite of everything listed above: be prepared, be specific, be timely, keep it relevant, current, and factual. Provide references that can be contacted, are current, and can vouch for the abilities that you are advertising.

Remain upbeat and professional throughout the contact. Getting an offer to do something is a sign that the contact wants to work with you in some capacity. This could lead to better offers later.

Don’t be a mind-reader. There are many reasons why you might not get a job right then. The lack of an offer may have nothing to do with you or the material you submitted. If you are polite and professional, that leaves the door open for that sponsor to contact you later or recommend you to someone else who may be able to use your services.

The belly dance community is very small. Tales of ugly deeds are frequently spread among friends. When you alienate one person, it’s quite likely that you are alienating more. To keep your career healthy and long, behave professionally and give others the benefit of the doubt. If your credentials are indeed impressive, and your attitude professional, you won’t unnoticed.