Taaj the Belly Dance Trainer

Belly Dance Instruction

Taaj-o

How to Make Your Own Luck

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Belly dance has had many highs and lows. Whether it’s due to the economy or just a natural cycling, we are on a down turn again. In times like these, we could all use a little luck to sustain us until the next boom.

Do you feel lucky? If so, great! Use that to your advantage. If not, here are some tips on how to make your own luck and get Lady Luck working in your favor.

See Yourself as Lucky
People who perceive that they are lucky tend to have better luck! They see opportunity in little things. They dismiss negative things as, “meant to be” or see it as one door closing so another can open. In other words, they are optimistic, open and adventurous. If they miss their train, they consider the possibility that it could be because they were meant to be right where they are, so they will look for the reason (opportunity) for why they should be where they are. More often than not, they find it. They are flexible and are open to the possibility that what they wanted could be surpassed by something even greater. Lucky people expect miracles, benefits, opportunities, money, favors, and coincidences and will take advantage of them because they feel they are meant for them.

Be Flexible and Focus on the Big Picture
Lucky people don’t sweat the small details. They may have a goal to be the best dancer they can be, but they don’t think limiting things like: I have to study with all the best teachers. When I am good enough, I have to work as a self-supporting professional dancer in a high profile show. Then, I have win a few titles. THEN, I can become a national workshop level instructor. No, Ms. Lucky is more flexible than that. She knows that success can come in many packages and by many routes. So instead of passing on a dance job that doesn’t fit her rigid plan for success, she takes it and let’s that be the thing that skyrockets her to stardom. She takes the road less traveled. Because it is the road less traveled, she’s more likely to be noticed there.

Work Softer, Not Harder
We’re all conditioned to believe that diligence pays off. We work, work, work conscientiously towards the goal. But, not the lucky girl. She’s not afraid to slack off sometimes and give herself a break. What works about that? You tend to see things you wouldn’t normally see. When you are so focused on the task, you see what is related to the task and may miss the big express train to success that has stopped right in front of you. I am not suggestion that you slack your way to success. No, I believe that success requires some effort on your part, but perhaps the biggest effort you need to exert is to relax once in a while. Smell the roses. Color outside the lines.

Don’t Accept Failure
Not meeting your goals happens. I don’t see it as failure. It’s just feedback. It’s not something that needs to break our spirit or cause us to quit. Thomas Edison created over a thousand light bulbs before he made one that was affordable, reproducible, profitable, and worked! He could only do that because he embraced the feedback that he gleaned from each attempt. He allowed himself to believe that each attempt brought him closer and closer. He didn’t see it as failure at all. Even if your dreams don’t work out, that doesn’t have to be failure. It could be a fun ride that leads to a new, exciting adventure. You can’t live in your dreams if you have all this baggage of regret and “what ifs.” Embrace the now. Love the adventure. Don’t let anything hold you back.

Say, YES!
If you could only have one tip that would transform you into Ms. Lucky, I’d say this one is it. The ability to say, “Yes!” I have seen some amazing dancers with tons of drive, natural beauty, and loads of talent walk away from their dreams because they could not say, “Yes.” There were too many unanswered questions, too much insecurity. I get that. It’s normal to feel anxious when a new opportunity comes along, but the lucky girl believes she can handle whatever happens. Because of this belief and her willingness to take on challenges, she becomes more capable. She weathers the storms and achieves her dreams.

You usually can’t live in the safety zone if you want to live your dreams. Dreams take risk. If they didn’t, we’d all be living our dreams. When opportunity knocks, say yes! Surrender to it. You will do alright.

None of these things require money, education, or anything that you don’t have right now. So, why not start changing your luck right now? All it takes is a change in attitude and a willingness to follow through.

Is Your Belly Dance Class a Cult?

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I was recently writing an article about what makes a cult a cult when it dawned on me that THERE ARE BELLY DANCE CULTS! Hear me out.

A “Cult” is defined as a group or sect bound together by veneration of the same thing, person, ideal, etc. Although the term is typically applied to religious groups, other types of groups can be considered cults such as multi-level marketing companies, political organizations, self-help groups, and BELLY DANCE! Cults tend to be viewed negatively by outsiders because they generally involve manipulation to get you involved and committed to the group.

Most people say, “I would never get involved in a cult! I could see that coming a mile away.” If that were true, there wouldn’t be between 3,000- 5,000 cults operating in America today with 180,000 new recruits per year. If you doubt that belly dance could be a cult, take a look at some generalities about cults and you can decide is your belly dance class a cult.

Lies

Cults rely on lies to keep recruits coming in, members interested, and members working towards their goals. If they were straight-forward and honest, few would be interested in their agenda. Legitimate groups don’t have to hide what they believe or practice.

Secrecy

Does your group have beliefs, truths, or teachings that are supposed to be kept secret? Are these secrets ancient or exclusive teachings that come from some very important source? Are outsiders forbidden to know about them? If so, this is a sign that you are in a cult. They don’t want you telling others what is going on for fear that someone who is not under their spell will burst your bubble.

Exclusivity

Like it or not, we are all attracted to exclusivity. That’s why we pay so much for a Bentley or a Rolex. Cults use exclusivity to get you hooked. They say things like, “You were one of the few invited….” or “We don’t normally let outsiders in, but because of (fill in the blank), we can see you are special.” Some legitimate organizations limit membership to people belonging to certain groups (like women, members of a fraternity, or Catholics), but they don’t try to make you feel special to get you to join. Cults tend to be small groups because they are easier to control.

Fear

Most cults play on your fears to get you to stay. The most notorious play on the fear that the end of the world is coming, but only members of their group will be saved – or something to that effect. In the belly dance world, it may be more like the covert or overt threat that your opportunities will be severely limited if you leave this group.

Intimidation and Intolerance

In cults, few will criticize the all mighty leader. It’s not tolerated. There may be threats of being kicked out or harmed in some way for disobedience. In legitimate groups, the choice to stay or go is always open. Investigating information on the group isn’t seen as dangerous or undesirable. It’s just what free thinking people do.

Isolation

Cults tend to be emotionally isolated from the rest of society. In extreme situations, they may also be geographically isolated. This isolation is self-imposed to keep them “pure” or keep them away from the “evil” outside world. Contact with outsiders is extremely limited. In belly dance, this may mean that students can’t go to other teacher’s workshops or events. They can only do things that are sanctioned by their teacher.

Love Bombing

Anyone can be caught up in a cult. They tend to attract people who are in a low time in their lives and in need of love (and who among us hasn’t experienced that at some point?) Cults play on this vulnerability by surrounding new comers with love, friendship, support and a feeling of being welcome. This can be very hard to give up if you are in a bad place in life. It also can keep you from looking too closely at what is behind it. If you start asking questions, the love may be withdrawn. Think of how many women feel beautiful, some for the first time in their lives, by the pretty sparkling costumes, sensuous belly dance moves, and honeyed compliments of their teacher.

A Single Charimatic Leader

Cults tend to have one leader who has an ability to make others love her. She doesn’t tolerate disobedience or questions and can’t be held accountable for anything. She seems paranoid about people outside of the group and feels safest when surrounded by group members. Although she can be quite charming, she can switch to being very cold at the drop of a hat if it suits her goals.

Sounds like any group you know?

I am not suggesting that all belly dance groups are cults. Many legitimate groups that have some of these characteristics, so how can you tell the difference between a healthy group and a cult? Healthy groups will have open relationships with the outside world. Healthy groups won’t intimidate you into staying or try to keep you from doing your own research on their group or other groups. Healthy groups don’t try to isolate you from your family and friends and encourage you to leave your former life behind. Healthy groups also don’t encourage you to work for them for little or nothing.

The comparison of belly dance to a cult started out as a bit of a joke, but any group relationship that robs you of self-esteem, functions from a place of manipulation, and works for the benefit of one person isn’t a healthy place to be. I sincerely hope that your group doesn’t have these characteristics, but if it does, maybe you should consider moving on to another group that has a give and take attitude, space to grow and ask questions, and the freedom to make informed choices.

Feel Sexier With Belly Dance

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Want to try something new that is good for your body and soul? How about belly dance? The ancient art of belly dance is making a modern day comeback due to sexy M-TV shots of Shakira and Britney Spears gyrating and shaking it. Classes are overflowing with wanna-bes who want to sport a bare-bellied look and the moves to go along with it.

The desire to dance like Shakira and Britney may bring women of all ages and sizes into classes, but a strange thing happens once they get there. These women usually end up happy being just who they are, loving their bodies, and feeling more confident and feeling sexy in their own skin.

A newcomer to class might be surprised by the unabashed display of bare bellies. Some are flat and muscular, some bulge with the weight of too many days in an office environment, but most are proudly displayed in all their womanly glory. The teacher guides the students to move this seat of womanly power in undulating, snaky ways- shaking up that root charka energy and reviving the awareness that the joy of femininity is for all: maiden, mother, and crone.

As the pace of class steps up, the music may change to more exotic and fast paced fare. The women dance freely, encouraged by the jingly hip scarves around their hips, which bounce in time to the music. Perhaps this is the first time since puberty they’ve enjoyed themselves while in the company of other women. Perhaps they are discovering that feeling sexy and alive can happen without a man around!

It’s wonderful to witness women realize that sexy is not just for the nubile, flexible, and trim. It comes from the inside out. It’s a state of mind that comes from confidence and acceptance of who you are. And when you feel that within, you can take it everywhere you go. It doesn’t depend on what you’re wearing or what you look like. It radiates unmistakably where everyone can see it. There are many ways to achieve this, but belly dance sure is a fun one!

Monique Monet’s Revolutionary Dance – a review

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Monique Monet’s Revolutionary Dance is a fresh commentary on the widely varied origins and evolution of belly dance. Beginning with Inanna and temple dancers, the story winds its way through associations with childbirth rituals to the influence of patriarchy and finally ends with modern day affects of the media.

Monet challenges the “authorities” in dance, pointing out the inconsistency in stories. She acknowledges and credits that all have validity for some people at some point in time, while posing the question of what it means to be a dancer in modern society. She suggests that serious students may be held back by perpetual teachers who think that the student may need “just one more lesson.” She illustrates this point with a quote from a Gypsy dancer who says, “Dance lessons? Why? That’s for people who are not Gypsy.” She also speaks against the media message of women not being the right age, right size, and right shape. Monet advocates for the dancer to just “please yourself.”

Monet accentuates her story with a beautifully chosen blend of photographs, historical images, film clips, and backdrops.

These images, combined with well-chosen music, punctuate Monet’s articulate narration, giving the viewer a clear understanding of her points of view.

The idea of “Revolution” sums up her message. To Monet, revolution refers to freedom from restriction in the dance. She says there is no right. No wrong. No mistakes. No rules. Only you and your dance.

Segments of Monet dancing are interspersed throughout the video. This is a useful inclusion that allows the viewer to see the embodiment of her words in motion.

Although informative, the unexpected inclusion of humor makes this also a joy to watch. It is quite unlike a documentary in that respect. Monet’s creativity goes for maximum hyperbole and works magnificently.

The video loses momentum with the inclusion of the telephone interview with Middle Eastern man, Alaoui Zagora. Although it appears to be meant to bolster Monet’s commentary, it slows down the flow and is a bit distracting. If cut from the video, it would be the perfect length. At approximately 40 minutes, it’s just a tad too long.

Monique Monet’s Revolutionary Dance should be rated G, and is indeed appropriate for general audiences. I recommend this video particularly for every dance instructor’s library. It is a fabulous teaching tool. Even if the instructor does not agree with the opinions stated within the video, it gives a concise rundown of the current prevailing theories that can be a jumping off point for discussion. For non-dancers, it is a positive representation of our dance form.

At $20, this video is affordable. Monet has no objection to the video being used to benefit contemporary Middle Eastern dance or the Romany people. These factors make it a good buy and an obvious choice for those seeking to educate the public and uplift the dance.

The Gift of Dance

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When I began taking belly dance lessons, I had no idea what sort of journey that first class would inspire. It has taken me around the country, across the globe, and most importantly on a journey into my inner world. There is something primal about the whole experience.

At first, the gift of dance is a freeing of the body. The pelvic movements release all this energy that western cultures denies, reserved only for private places. It liberates the feminine and celebrates its existence. The shaking and shimmying stimulates the body, while the slow sensuous movements massage the body in an invigorating way. Undulations of the arms and torso break us out of the linear, restricting ways we’ve learned of moving.

Without warning, our mind seems to catch up with the new freedom the body has discovered. We want to explore music. We want to explore movement. We combine the two in new and unusual ways. We open ourselves up to artistic expression. We allow ourselves to go through the motions of passion, delight, sadness, gaiety, and so many other humanizing feelings under the guise of practicing or performing. We allow ourselves to feel.

We develop a new relationship with our bodies. We begin to feel the need to expose the torso so we can see the wonderful things happening there. We begin to notice a contentment with our physical form where we only saw flaws before. We walk a little straighter. We feel more confident and less inhibited. Even if we never tell anyone about our secret, the internal knowing makes people wonder what is different about us.

And then we get to our second lesson!

With the development of new skill, many dancers will look beyond the shiny costumes and the mechanical aspects of the dance and follow the path most suited to their current life style.

For some, that path is in the direction of goddess dancing. Goddess dancing is as hard to define as the individual goddess doing the dance, but the common bond is divine inspiration for their dance. They rarely dance for audiences as their purpose is more spiritual in nature. The dance comes from the heart rather than a choreography. It is spontaneous and highly personal. It can include grief, joy, or any emotion, but always celebrates the feminine experience.

The dance may involve snakes, as they were associated with the goddess Astarte in ancient times. It may involve a sisterhood which celebrates the feminine by helping with childbirth. The dancers may help the birth process by undulating their bodies along with the laboring mother. The experience is comforting and bonding for all those who participate. These are truly and exclusively female experiences.

For others, the path is more communal. These dancers may chose to concentrate on tribal style dancing, which highlights the group instead of any individual. There are set steps, patterns, and cues in this style because it is improvisational. The structured repertoire makes it easy for anyone knowing the common language to step in and join the tribe. I have often danced with people I have never met with stunningly beautiful results in tribal style. Tribal language is universal and all inclusive. Thought is taken out of this dance and the rhythm takes over. The bonding that happens over time, or in some cases in just a few minutes, is incomparable. Bodies moving in sync mesmerize the dancers as well as those watching.

The tribe can be a long standing group that has the security of anticipating what movements the “leader” may do. Or it may be a tribe that has existed since that day or that hour. Either way, the definition of “tribe” is never challenged because the synergy and oneness of the group demonstrates its unity.

Some dancers dance for strict enjoyment, having no sacred purpose or need for bonding. Maybe you are a soloist at heart who just yearns to let her hair down and experience the wild abandon of the drum? The music calls you and your hips just can’t stay still. Shimmies, vibrations, and curvy movements create the dance of life denied by the boxed in structures of modern life. And liberation follows.

There are many directions a dancer can go in this dance, but all of them are personal to the dancer. As a teacher, performer, and troupe director, I have witnessed many chrysalis turn into butterflies with the simple permission to liberate themselves through dance. The safe environment of a classroom filled with others like them is a sanctuary for discovery.

It is amazing how many of us are so aware of time tables and deadlines, but are so out of touch with our own selves. What is inside? What grief are we afraid to express? What passion lies untapped? What creativity is stifled because of our work or life demands? The positive benefits for many dance students is that they begin to scratch the surface of these things. The release and discovery that comes from pure dancing from the soul can be so liberating for the dancer and so inspiring for the audience. So, why not give yourself the gift of dance? Experience it with your eyes, your heart, and your soul? Feel what women for thousands of years have known. Maybe you will discover yourself.

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Belly Dance N’Etiquette

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The internet is a great way to grow your dance circle, knowledge, and social contacts. However, the ease of use can also make it easy to forget that there is a person on the other end of your communication and that posts to fora and social networks are public. Here are some reminders of belly dance n’etiquette to keep interactions pleasant and respectful.

* Be cordial. Just because you are online doesn’t mean you have to abandon courtesy.

* Don’t send anything that you wouldn’t want the wrong person to see. It doesn’t have to be a naughty picture. Even an email can be easily forwarded to a friend who forwards it to another friend.

* Put on a lovely face. Show people only the best side of you. Don’t get ugly, bullyish, mean, or petty online. Remember that belly dance is a small world. Everybody knows EVERYbody. When you talk about that performance that you hated last weekend, someone was there that loved it. You don’t have to share every thought you have with strangers.

* Send group emails only to people who need to know what you are talking about. Sending random information to your whole address book is annoying.

* Keep your personal information private. The internet is NOT secure. By all means, don’t send other people’s information out over the internet.

* Don’t write in all caps. It’s considered yelling.

* Don’t add your address book to your newsletters or social groups without their permission. There is nothing more irritating than getting things that you have no interest in.

* Before attaching ginormous files to your emails or signatures, ask yourself if the person receiving it wants it. This could hog up precious bandwidth space and put you on the “banned” list.

* Don’t be a cyber bully. I am sometimes shocked at how some people get so horrid when behind a computer screen when they would never do that in a face to face situation. Remember that there is a PERSON on the other end of your communication.

* If you are going to swear, keep it to places that are semi-private and that accept this type of talk. Norms are not the same everywhere. For example, it may be perfectly okay to swear in your house, but you might not want to do it at work or at your mom’s dinner table. Same thing on the ‘net.

* If someone breaks the rules, assume they are new and don’t know. Not everyone is intentionally rude.

If online gathering places are ugly, hate-filled, combative, competitive places where people one up each other or put our heroes down, they will cease to be meeting places where everyone (new and old) can learn. I’d hate to see that happen. So, how about contributing to keeping the internet a safe, welcoming place?